True Astrology with Madam Gorgonzola

True Astrology with Madam Gorgonzola

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You must overcome your feelings of desolation, despair and absolute, nerve-wracking solitude. You are not totally alone.just downtown.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Try to conceal your contempt. You suffer from delusions of self-righteous grandeur of near Napoleonic proportions. Resign from the City Council.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Make new friends. The bridges you have built in the past are falling down and the glue of friendship is no longer holding. Leave Zilwaukee.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
Develop new modes of relaxation. You must forego those feelings of unpopularity. Youre not paranoid; youre just a township commissioner.

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 23)
Change occupations. You were born under the sign of the sun and fire is a very dangerous element for you. Get out of the restaurant business.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
You are about to enter a passionate romantic encounter. If not now, at least by bar closing time. Follow your moral values if you have any. Stay off of Midland Street.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
See a doctor immediately. Thats not a mole on your shoulder; its a tiny, budding head. Believe me, one of yours is enough. Stop camping on the Tittabawassee River.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
You were born on the cusp. This might explain your snarling, defensive attitude. Either leave the mall or get out of retail sales completely.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
The foundations of your very existence need shoring up. It seems as if you can do nothing right. Get out of the nuclear construction business.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Acquaintances can deceive. Trust no one. You were right. It isnt a cold sore. Shoot the a-hole.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Work is futile. Consult with your co-workers and theyll agree. No matter how much you try, it will come to naught. Get out of the parts plant.

Pieces (Feb. 19 - March 20)
Born under the sign of the fish, you must swim cautiously up the middle of the river. Although the world seems clearly divided between black and white, there is a lot of grey area in between namely the water. But a wet suit.

Your Birthday Today:
Go out and get some exercise. Go to the library. Develop some new skills. If youve got the time to read this horoscope youve got too much time on your hands. You need activities. Or therapy. Or both.