That One Guy 629

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    icon Jan 11, 2007
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Dear Guy

Heated discussion in the bar the other night regarding what can cause women to have a not so fresh feeling. Before you think we're sexist pigs, you should know that we were discussing this with the women too. The waitress even chimed in.

One guy started the whole thing by saying that he could tell the difference between women who used different feminine products. (To keep it clean, I'll just call the products Innies and Outies).

He said that women who used "Innies" tended to have a problem with the not so fresh thing, and women who used "Outies" during that time of the month were far less, um, not so fresh. He also admitted he'd really had relationships with just 2 women, one an Innie user and one and Outie user.

So this started a big argument. The waitress was called in to settle it. She looked at him, rolled her eyes, and said "It's a self cleaning unit, you idiot".

So of course, the argument never got settled. The question is, is he right?

-A Bunch of Us

Dear Bunch

Remember the days when people would have arguments over sports teams, politics, and who has to drive home? Whatever happened to the good old fashioned bar fight over a pool game?

Notwithstanding the content of the conversation, at least you're looking for answers. Good for you.

The Innie vs. Outie argument is a new one on me. I have not heard the theory yet. But I can tell you that the waitress is pretty close to right.

Here's the deal: Many things can contribute to the essence, if you will, of a particular female. Hormonal changes, the devils of all things crazy and unpredictable, are one. The female body goes through a constant state of hormonal flux and this is just one aspect of it.

Others include overall health, medications, levels of hydration, blood sugar levels, and of course, hygienic practices. Surprisingly, diet can be a big contributor. Women who eat meat vs. women who eat a lot of greens will have different "aspects". As an example, broccoli is actually known to affect a nursing newborn's digestive system negatively, and has been attributed to the not so freshness you describe.

Here's the great equalizer, thoughŠ and your buddy may not want to hear this:

All the same things affect the fresh/not so fresh aspect of man too. That's right: your propensity for peter cheese can be affected by all of the above just as easily.

The waitress is right with regard to the self cleaning aspect, as the female body does slough off old cells and re-regulate itself following the use of either and Innie or an Outie. It responds to either the same way. She's right: the body has it's own system for such things. In fact, many gynecologists have begun recommending against douching, as it upsets the delicate balance that nature has perfected, and causes more problems than it's worth.

As to whether or not a preference to either is more hygienic, the jury is out. It's all a matter of personal practicality, and these days, most women are opting for Innies. They are somewhat sterile and when used correctly do not create a big issue.

So, if this is a deterrent for him, your buddy may be limiting his selection considerably.

Of course, it's not quite extreme as limiting his selection via discussing the topic with women in the first place.


Dear Guy

I am a 40 year old male who fantasizes about the same sex. It is a pretty recent thing and I am doing it more and more. I am worried that I am coming out of the closet. I am a very religious man and I am married. God would not approve. What do I do?

-I Don't Want to be Gay

Dear Don't

Relax. I once had a fantasy about doing my school teacher. Talk about hideous! I got over it.

Unless you feel the need to act on your fantasies, they are exactly that: fantasies. When it comes to intimate relations, the human mind can do great things to contribute to the experience. For example, my spouse has been a blonde, brunette, redhead, and even had a Mohawk once. (!?)

The good thing is, nobody knows it but me.

By the same token, the human mind can create huge problems, and most of them stem around guilt.

Look, here's the deal: Fantasies require attention when they involve hurt. If you do not fantasize about doing harm, and if you do not fantasize about something as inappropriate as children or animals, then you are pretty normal.

Cause for concern would be if you feel that you are becoming obsessive, or if you feel that you need to act out on your fantasy to the detriment of yourself or others. In any case, if you feel you are a danger to others or yourself, you MUST seek help. Otherwise, if it's just a matter of a concern over a homosexual fantasy, give yourself some slack.

There are many gay people out there who will tell you they didn't necessarily "want" to be gay, they just are. There are many theories contributing to the idea that there is a little "gay" in everyone. There are fine lines and many nuances between the various ways we humans express ourselves physically and emotionally. The fact that they cross from time to time shouldn't be a reason for you to condemn yourself.

If you have a religious concern, talk to your pastor and find out if your church or an affiliate offers counseling for adult matters. Understandably, you may not want anyone in your circle to know. There are many resources online and in your local phone book for people who struggle with this issue. Take the time to look for them and don't be afraid to make a call.

Personally, I think that few of us know what God approves, and we spend too much time jumping at shadows. But if you have concerns about this and you are a religious man, I recommend one more thing:

Pray on the matter. Nobody can question your relationship with your God, and I certainly wouldn't make light of it here. Perhaps you'll find and answer. If nothing else, at least he'll know you're trying.
I wish you luck.


Dear Guy
What's the best choice in condoms?
-New to This

Dear New,
Latex, doesn't break, and can put itself on.

Have a question for 'That One Guy'? Please write him at The Review * 318 S. Hamilton St. * Saginaw, MI 48602

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