THE NEW GILDED AGE (Part 2)
THE NEW GILDED AGE (Part 2)
I know that women have certain times of the month when they are more sensitive than others. I had sisters and can relate to all the crap they have to put up with, so I am not a complete jerk. But I really have to ask how the hell women can get SO damned nasty MEAN when the monthly problem is on the way.
I have a great wife with a great kid and a pretty solid life. I am one happy guy. But at least a few days out of the month I am living with complete insanity. My normally sweet and loving wife goes crazy. It's like talking to somebody armed & dangerous and trying to get them to let a few hostages go. Yes! It's that crazy.
My son just does the best he can to hide. How is it that women can't see that they are behaving like this?
I'm Pretty Sure She'll Kill Me
First of all, I think I speak for everyone reading this column when I say you should count yourself lucky: You only have a bitch for a spouse a few days out of the month. There are a lot of men (AND women) who would gladly handle your hostage negotiations for a few days each month. It would be worth it to them, just to get the other 26 or 27 days in peace.
As I've pointed out in other articles, men go through many of the same hormonal fluctuations women do, with some of the same effects: Irritability, change in sex drive, emotional fluctuations, metabolism changes, et al.
Like it or not, you may be just as evil from time to time, and every bit as intolerable. Do you realize it?
Nobody knows for sure why it is not possible for the logical brain to overcome the more primitive areas of the brain that are affected by hormonal changes; specifically in areas of aggression and defensiveness. If we could unlock that, mental illness would likely cease to exist, and all the Freudians could take their cigars and go home.
Until we can get higher reasoning functions to prevail in the battle against the lower, I don't have an answer for you. Surely if you feel that you or your son are in REAL danger, you should talk to your lovely wife in her more lucid state. Express to her how bad it gets, the fear you have about it, and have her check with her physicians. There are a lot of things he can do to help her alleviate some symptoms. While I am not a big proponent of stuffing every patient with therapeutic drugs, I DO believe there are circumstances wherein they may be of help. Get an opinion from a trusted physician and, in the meantime, sleep with one eye open during the dog daze.
I am a middle aged woman who is just plain unhappy. I am in poor health and I seldom see my husband. He is very sweet and takes good care of me, but he does everything he can to avoid me. We live in the same house but we spend so little time together that I think of him as the guy who delivers the groceries.
Our sex life is Zippo. Our communication is Zippo. I have no way of knowing if he's having an affair, and to be honest, I think that I would be relieved to find out he had a REASON for being so removed from me. I guess it might be nice to know that he is seeing someone else instead of just plain not liking to see me.
I guess I'm writing because I just want to know what you think.
Wondering in Montrose
What is it you're asking me exactly? Are you asking if I think he's having an affair, or what you should do about him in general?
If you really want to know, I might suggest that you sound pretty depressing. Not DEPRESSED, which I'm sure you are, but a just plain BUMMER to be around.
Your letter wasn't very long and it had some pretty legitimate concerns, but you're so dispassionate that I can already see you've resigned yourself to being unhappy. Sometimes, a little positive thinking, even if it's just one sided, can go a long way.
It can at least lend you a better perspective.
Health issues are tough to overcome and very hard on the happy meter. But study after study has reflected the positive health effects to trying to make your self feel good about life. If being with him and getting him to spend time with you is the issue, address it. When he gives you the time, do your best to make if worthwhile.
Make sure you're getting what exercise you can, given your health, as it's a real depression buster. Adjust your diet to include happy foods, which usually means stuff that is good for you. Avoid downers like alcohol. Ask your doctor about the depressive effects of any drugs you may be taking, and how they can be minimized. Tell your husband what you're doing and accept help when it's offered.
In short, stop being reactive. Be proactive.
Once you've boosted yourself up, take a fresh look at your relationship. If you still have problems, you'll not only be in a better position to recognize them, but to deal with them as well.
I wish you well.
Dear That One Guy
I recently had a humdinger of a night out with the guys. We drank to the point of near alcohol poisoning, and we're still not sure how we got home. Nursing the coffee and V-8 juice the next morning, we were wondering why we couldn't remember. We get stories all the time from guys who acted like total ass and will say they don't remember 'cause they were drunk. Isn't it true that you'll remember later?
Not necessarily. My checking has turned up the neurological theory that the brain stops recording when it is traumatized or otherwise impaired. This would explain why victims might not recall an accident, or that only fragments of what happened can be remembered. It wasn't the emotional trauma, or a lack of remembering. Rather, the brain diverted its resources to other things and simply turned the recorder off. Therefore, the "memory" may not be there to retrieve.
It's an interesting theory but the in truth, if your buddy wakes up with a Coyote Ugly and needs a convenient excuse, he may not have the one he wants, but he's got one: The brain is far more likely to suffer a lack of judgment and remember it clearly than to blot out something entirely.
I think I speak for all drunks everywhere when I say that it would be cool if we could pick and choose.
Got a question? Send 'em to 'That One Guy' c/o Review Magazine, 318 S. Hamilton St., Saginaw, MI 48602
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THE NEW GILDED AGE (Part 2)