That One Guy 623

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    icon Oct 05, 2006
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Dear Guy

I am a 34-year old male who has a girlfriend 10 years younger than I am. We've been together for over a year. She is witty, smart, and attentive. She is in college and she has a great sense of adventure. You can imagine all the reasons I am crazy about her.

Recently, we moved in together. Within a few months, her hard working go get em' attitude has changed into something else. She spends my money like crazy, has quit her part time job, and cut back on classes. I'm not even sure what she really does with her days, and I have a feeling she's cutting the few classes that she IS taking this semester.

She is partying with her friends a lot, and though I have no way to confirm it yet, I have a feeling that I am footing the bill.

I have tried to talk to her about this and she has been resentful when I mention I don't think she's working very hard in school. Recently, I got a bump on the auto insurance because she had a fender bender she didn't tell me about. She is not at all the person she was before we moved in together.

I am completely in love with this woman, but all of a sudden something changed. What gives, and what do I do about it?

Signed,
Older Guy
Gladwin

Dear Older Guy:

Sounds like somebody has become DaddyÅ but then, you already knew that.

Anyone dating someone younger faces the inevitable differences in maturity levels. When people of different ages connect, there has to be some compromise: She has to rise up and show some maturity, and you have to exhibit some patience when her lack of experience shows itself. It's very rare that this happens, so start looking for signs of the "banging the head against the wall" syndrome.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you may have taken over the role of a father figure early in the relationship: something that is tough to undo. She is either youthfully oblivious of her inconsideration, or completely aware and taking you for a very hard ride.

At this point, you are left with little choice but to put the brakes on everything. My guess is that this will leave you both feeling resentful. Regardless of what happens next, you have been put in the position of playing a parental figure as opposed to a partner. This is apt to leave a very bad taste in your mouth and create a barrier that can be nearly impossible to overcome.

I recommend you slide back into dating mode and relocate her. Once she is on her own again, and you've created some distance, you will have a better handle on what's motivating herÅ and you. If she is oblivious, this is her reality check. If she is manipulating you, the party is over.

If you're writing to hear the hardball answer, you've got it:

She's a trophy, and she's trouble. Get your perspective in check and start looking around for women who have attributes you can appreciate, and visa versa.  Only you can decide the value of her contribution to the relationship.

-Guy

Dear Guy:

Why is it that guys are always looking for the head game? Can't they just believe us girls when we say something? Maybe sometimes we ACTUALLY say what we mean! I am so sick of hearing "What does that mean??"

I want all guys to know that some girls really mean what they say. We are just as busy and sometimes impatient as you guys are. We have jobs, school, commitments and other stuff. Maybe we don't have time for stupid games either.

Signed

-In a Huff
Essexville

Dear Huff,

I am going to resist the temptation to ask you what you mean by that.

Look, I'm not sure if you realize it, but you women are the most wonderful, mysterious, and incredibly difficult critters on the planet to figure out. I once heard a comedian say that getting to know a woman is like trying to work the control panel of a 747 with one exception: On the woman, the buttons continuously move around.

The truth is, if you were to communicate with us simply using a series of grunts and snorts, with the occasional gesticulation, there would be no such thing as divorce and the extent of conflict would be over who ate the last of the nacho chips.

Think about it from our side: We think we're pretty straightforward. We like sex, sports, a good steak, and a decent pair of work boots. Beyond that, there are grey areas that make us completely blind to what's good for us. In the great game of romance, we are going to fumble 9 out of ten opportunities to read a subtle hint. That's why we get flustered, throw up our hands and say:  "Okay, what's the real deal?" To be fair, it is just beyond us to understand why you can't tell us what's on your mind in fifty words or less.

It's true that there are some women out there who mean what they say and don't play games. If you want the truth, though we feign exasperation, we wouldn't necessarily want that in a woman all the time. Sometimes, a little mystery is exactly what we like about the fairer sex.

-Guy

Dear Guy:

Female anatomy question: What is "Bartholin's Gland" on a woman, and is it something I should be looking for? Is it like a g spot?

-Curious Pupil
Saginaw

Dear Curious:

The Bartholin gland is otherwise known as the greater vestibular gland, and it's nothing you can do to manipulate it to make her experience better. Once thought to be a source of external lubrication on the female, its true purpose is still unknown. Researchers have concluded that it is known to excrete pheromones. These pheromones are delivered within a waxy, similar substance, which may have created the misconception.
Sorry, no magic button here.

-Guy
 
                                              
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