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Dear Guy
Recently, we moved in together. Within a
few months, her hard working go get em' attitude has changed into
something else. She spends my money like crazy, has quit her part time
job, and cut back on classes. I'm not even sure what she really does
with her days, and I have a feeling she's cutting the few classes that
she IS taking this semester.
She is partying with her friends a lot, and
though I have no way to confirm it yet, I have a feeling that I am
footing the bill.
I have tried to talk to her about this and
she has been resentful when I mention I don't think she's working very
hard in school. Recently, I got a bump on the auto insurance because she
had a fender bender she didn't tell me about. She is not at all the
person she was before we moved in together.
I am completely in love with this woman,
but all of a sudden something changed. What gives, and what do I do
about it?
Signed, Older Guy Gladwin Dear Older Guy: Sounds like somebody has become DaddyŠbut then, you already knew that.
Anyone dating someone younger faces the
inevitable differences in maturity levels. When people of different ages
connect, there has to be some compromise: She has to rise up and show
some maturity, and you have to exhibit some patience when her lack of
experience shows itself. It's very rare that this happens, so start
looking for signs of the "banging the head against the wall" syndrome.
Unfortunately, it sounds like you may
have taken over the role of a father figure early in the relationship:
something that is tough to undo. She is either youthfully oblivious of
her inconsideration, or completely aware and taking you for a very hard
ride.
At this point, you are left with little
choice but to put the brakes on everything. My guess is that this will
leave you both feeling resentful. Regardless of what happens next, you
have been put in the position of playing a parental figure as opposed to
a partner. This is apt to leave a very bad taste in your mouth and
create a barrier that can be nearly impossible to overcome.
I recommend you slide back into dating
mode and relocate her. Once she is on her own again, and you've created
some distance, you will have a better handle on what's motivating
herŠand you. If she is oblivious, this is her reality check. If she is
manipulating you, the party is over.
If you're writing to hear the hardball answer, you've got it:
She's a trophy, and she's trouble. Get
your perspective in check and start looking around for women who have
attributes you can appreciate, and visa versa. Only you can decide the
value of her contribution to the relationship.
-Guy Dear Guy: Why is it that guys are always looking for the head game? Can't they just believe us girls when we say something? Maybe sometimes we ACTUALLY say what we mean! I am so sick of hearing "What does that mean??"
I want all guys to know that some girls
really mean what they say. We are just as busy and sometimes impatient
as you guys are. We have jobs, school, commitments and other stuff.
Maybe we don't have time for stupid games either.
Signed -In a Huff Essexville Dear Huff, I am going to resist the temptation to ask you what you mean by that.
Look, I'm not sure if you realize it,
but you women are the most wonderful, mysterious, and incredibly
difficult critters on the planet to figure out. I once heard a comedian
say that getting to know a woman is like trying to work the control
panel of a 747 with one exception: On the woman, the buttons
continuously move around.
The truth is, if you were to communicate
with us simply using a series of grunts and snorts, with the occasional
gesticulation, there would be no such thing as divorce and the extent of
conflict would be over who ate the last of the nacho chips.
Think about it from our side: We think we're pretty straightforward. We like sex, sports, a good steak, and a decent pair of work boots. Beyond that, there are grey areas that make us completely blind to what's good for us. In the great game of romance, we are going to fumble 9 out of ten opportunities to read a subtle hint. That's why we get flustered, throw up our hands and say: "Okay, what's the real deal?" To be fair, it is just beyond us to understand why you can't tell us what's on your mind in fifty words or less.
It's true that there are some women out
there who mean what they say and don't play games. If you want the
truth, though we feign exasperation, we wouldn't necessarily want that
in a woman all the time. Sometimes, a little mystery is exactly what we
like about the fairer sex.
-Guy Dear Guy: Female anatomy question: What is "Bartholin's Gland" on a woman, and is it something I should be looking for? Is it like a g spot? -Curious Pupil Saginaw Dear Curious: The Bartholin gland is otherwise known as the greater vestibular gland, and it's nothing you can do to manipulate it to make her experience better. Once thought to be a source of external lubrication on the female, its true purpose is still unknown. Researchers have concluded that it is known to excrete pheromones. These pheromones are delivered within a waxy, similar substance, which may have created the misconception.
Sorry, no magic button here.
-Guy Got a question? Send 'em to 'That One Guy' c/o Review Magazine, 318 S. Hamilton St., Saginaw, MI 48602 or e-mail thatoneguy@reviewthisradio.com |
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