Dear That One Guy,

I am a thirty six year old man recently recovering from a nasty divorce. The wife of 14 years got everything, including my business, which she likes to remind be about daily. I wish I could get away from her, but she is very good at her part of the job and to be honest, I need her there. We sort of tolerate one another right now because the business needs to be the priority.
I recently became involved with someone who I am sure I would like to commit to, but she is not comfortable that I work with my ex wife. What do I do?

-Stuck in Freeland

Dear Stuck,

Stop. B-r-e-a-t-h-e. Get some perspective. Your girlfriend may be right about her reservations, but not for the reasons you're thinking.
You didn't specify, but if your divorce was under a year ago, you are moving way too fast. No matter how happy one might be to end a failing relationship, there are always unresolved issues for quite some time after the divorce decree, whether you recognize them or not.
You mentioned that you would like to commit to this new person, which raises alarm bells. As a rule, I don't advise moving into or stepping up a relationship with ANY other human being for at least 18 months. This also means roommates, best friends, and even good old Mom and Dad. Sure, they are a source of support, but they should not be your identity. While you can't extricate yourself from contact with your ex, you can place limits on your contact with her. The issue isn't her, though. It's how you acclimate to finding out who you are without her.
Living alone, getting to know yourself as an individual, means leaving behind emotional baggage that could only hinder future relationships. To be honest, your new lady deserves better, and should be willing to pull back a little while you adjust.
Learn to live with yourself, first, and then open up to bring someone else into the picture.
If the girlfriend has even an ounce of common sense, she will understand your reasons for slowing it down.
If not, and you proceed as planned, you will have not one, but TWO women in your life, making you miserable.
Good luck




Dear Guy,

Okay, here's a situation we have been discussing at work: A guy walks into a bar and finds his old lady in intimate conversation with another man. There is no real physical contact, but it looks questionable.

Does he:
A. Approach and ask what's going on
B. Go home and grill her when she gets home
C. Stake out the parking lot and see if they leave together
D. Pull up a chair

Signed,
-We've Got a Bet

Dear Bet,
None of the above.
Buy them both a drink, smile amiably when they look over to see who sent it, and watch her reaction. If it confirms your suspicion, raise your glass from across the room, take a drink, and walk out. However, if she looks surprised but happy to see you, laugh and invite them to sit with you. It may just be innocent conversation.
Ask any private detective how to tell if a partner is cheating, and they will say that if you suspect enough to ask the question, you already have your answer. Regardless, there is no point in making assumptions or handling the situation in public. Just take the high road and let her explain it at home.

Dear Guy;

Dancing or dinner and a movie? What's the best move?

-Novice

Dear Novice:
Why are you asking ME???

Dear Guy

Who are you, really!???

-Signed
I Think I Know



Dear Think:
I am an amalgam of all the people you have ever bugged before with stupid questions. Consult the handbook.

                                              
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