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TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE By Rachel Deahl Review Film Critic Click for the official site It's hard to imagine that game designers didn't have Angelina Jolie in mind when they pixilated Lara Croft. A cross between Bruce Wayne and James Bond for the MTV generation, it wouldn't be much of an understatement to say that Jolie was made for the roleŠor vice versa. If only movies were about nothing more than brilliant casting. With its idiotic storyline and laughably implausible stunts, "The Cradle of Life" tries far too earnestly to be something it's not - a legitimate action movie. The question as to whether video games make for good movie material may be moot at this point, since these two technologies and businesses become more intertwined and interdependent. "The Matrix Reloaded" felt like an extended ad for the video game that was to come out on its heels, "Enter the Matrix" and, while the effect was somewhat offensive, it didn't necessarily make for bad cinema. The Warchowski Brothers dangled the effrontery of their work in our faces reminding us, the moviegoers, of our implicit role in a product-driven culture. And, after all, if the movie was just an ad for the game, what an effective ad it was. Unfortunately "Tomb Raider" doesn't function in the desert of the real; it doesn't bother with such high-falutin' issues as the search for reality in a hyper-real world. While Neo and Morpheus struggle with the result of their decision to take the red pill, Lara Croft is out saving an old-fashioned world in and old-fashioned wayŠand with such old-fashioned tactics come the tired stuff of spy movies. Director Jan De Bont, who made a bus that functioned as a bomb believable in "Speed," has trouble with the goofy plot here. Lara, who's a British heiress with a healthy disregard for authority and affection for showy stunts, is beckoned by the Queen to stop a deranged scientist from unleashing a plague upon the Earth.
The myth of Pandora's Box winds up being a historical reality and Lara, paired with a rogue Scottish ex-lover, has to go on a trans-continental adventure in order to ensure the Box remains in its proper spot, an unidentified locale known simply as "the cradle of life." Of course turning Pandora's Box into a historical treasure is the least of the trespasses made here. Lara's escapes are often idiotic, gravity-defying feats which make the film more fantastical than it should be. Early in the film Croft rides a shark to safety, after escaping from a crumbling underwater tomb. Without enough camp and humor to qualify its silliness, "Cradle of Life" is a pastiche of overblown stunts and convoluted plot points. And, although Jolie is perfect in the lead with her cartoonishly provocative figure, the comely starlet can't make this shoddy story work. Grade: B- HOW TO DEAL Click for the official site The tagline for Mandy Moore's newest star vehicle reads, "A lesson in love for non-believers." Unfortunately "How to Deal," a tepid, rote, coming-of-age romance, is more of a lesson in boredom than anything else. Co-starring Allison Janney as Moore's recently divorced, and recently embittered, mother, "How to Deal" is less a teenage love story than a dull tale of relationships gone awry. Moore plays Halley Martin; a precocious teen that, at 17, is already too jaded to believe in the likes of a silly thing called love. Since her mother is in tatters over her ex's new marriage to a much younger woman and her sister is in the throes of planning a wedding to an uptight Wasp (played by Mackenzie Astin), Halley feels more than justified in her dismissal of amore. Soured on relationships and totally closed off to the possibility of falling in love, Halley initially spurns the sweet advances of classmate, Macon (played by relative newcomer Trent Ford). But, when Macon's best friend and Halley's best friend's boyfriend unexpectedly dies from heart complications, Halley slowly opens up her heart. Spun around the satellite relationships that encircle Moore's grumpy adolescent, "How to Deal" seemingly attempts to offer a smarter take on teen infatuation with its layered examination of love.
The effect fails miserably and the result is that all of the stories come of as dull and one-dimensional. Mom is upset until she finds a new boyfriend. Sister's unhappy until her uptight fiancée finally loosens up. Best friend's dead boyfriend leaves her sad but changes her life when she finds out she's going to have his baby. Even Halley's central storyline is unmemorable. Getting hurt by the boy she slowly allows herself to like and then learning to forgive him is less a powerful lesson in love for teens than a recycled storyline. And, though Moore does her best with the poorly drawn Halley, the young heroine isn't nearly as interesting or strong as the film would like her to be. Worse, the chemistry between Moore and Ford is nonexistent. A very poor man's Josh Hartnett with his long hair and dark features, Ford seems like a character actor miscast in the role of teen heartthrob. Without paying much attention to the details of its characters lives, nothing in "How to Deal" inspires feeling or even notice. The jokes don't hit (Grandma keeps smoking pot even though she no longer needs it for medicinal purposes) and the romance never gels. Surprisingly, for a film that is supposedly interested in sending a "positive" message to teens, the subplot about the best friend's pregnancy is mostly glossed over. The best friend sheds a few tears, says life will be hard and happily sprints toward the delivery room. If "How to Deal" had been presented as what it clearly should have been, a silly and innocuous guilty pleasure, it would have been infinitely more bearable. Grade D-
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