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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN Click for the Official Site
If the thought of a major studio turning a Disney ride into a big-budget comedic action movie sounds like a terrible idea, "Pirates of the Caribbean" proves that Hollywood has made more egregious trespasses. Clocking in at a shockingly long two and a half hours, this campy "Evil Dead" homage from director Gore Verbinski is nonetheless giddy fun. The last major pirate movie to hit theaters was the 1995 turkey, "Cutthroat Island." Seemingly ending the careers of director Renny Harlin and star Geena Davis (who were married at the time of filming) in one swift take, this bomb made a lasting statement that the silver screen is no place for live action pirate films. Well, so it seemed. Taking a bad idea and turning it into something good, Gore Verbinski brings his "Pirates" to the screen with excellent casting and inspired wit. Johnny Depp swaggers, or stumbles, onto the screen as Jack Sparrow, the exiled captain of the infamous ship, the Black Pearl. With his drunken English accent and lighthearted indifference, Depp turns in another one of his signature bizarre-o roles. Like his eye-winking, mumbling, hectic performance in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," Depp makes a lasting impression once again. Doing for Jack Sparrow what he did for Hunter S. Thompson, Depp lights up the screen every time he flashes upon it.
More forgettably, appearing as Depp's straight-laced sidekick, is Orland Bloom, who stumbles through "Pirates" with all the charisma of a snail. But looking pretty is more Bloom's job than anything else and to that end he does his job. Thankfully, Geoffrey Rush is on hand to pick up Bloom's slack. As the reigning evil captain of Depp's former ship, Rush is perfect as the demonic Captain Barbossa. More ghoulish horror movie than pirate tale, Verbinski has noticeable fun with this plot about a motley crew of seamen condemned to spend eternity as zombies after stealing a cursed treasure. When the evil (and undead) crew of the Black Pearl steals the beautiful daughter of a British governor stationed in the Caribbean (played by Jonathan Pryce), the skilled swordsman and blacksmith who adores her (Bloom) unwillingly enlists the help of a marooned pirate (Depp) to help him in a rescue mission. In the process, fortunes change, identities are revealed and the complexities of lifting said curse surface. Lifting the camp look of Sam Raimi's beloved cult horror series, "The Evil Dead," Verbinski models his undead sailors on the ghouls that inhabited Raimi's trilogy. And, pairing a similar blend of black comedy with kitschy gore, Verbinski does his source material proud. At one point in the film, Pryce's priggish politician is hunted down by the severed skeletal arm of the ghoul he's just beaten off; it's a moment which shows Verbinski's unmistakable respect for and gratitude to the films he's clearly celebrating. Surprisingly, the most glaring problem with this enjoyable homage is its hefty running time. How studio execs allowed this popcorn horror flick to clock in at a length more befitting a heavy-handed Academy Award contender is anyone's guess, but the result is grueling. Although "Pirates" drags on considerably longer than it should, there is nary a dull moment on screen. Who knew walking the plank and hunting buried treasure could be this much fun? Grade: B Click for the Official Site When James Cameron added the second installment to "The Terminator," he hit upon the brilliant irony which made his man versus machine films so wonderful -- Hollywood filmmaking, like the titular hard body in his films, is all about coming back over and over again. And, making true to the catch phrase that emerged from the films, Arnold did just that to save the world and earn a huge box office haul. Sadly, returning for a third helping without the guidance of Cameron behind the camera, the din of an empty cash register is the only sound that "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" leaves humming in the theaters. Filling the directorial vacancy left by Cameron, Jonathan Mostow steps up to the chair. Unable to bring anything new to the story or add to the smart cinematic repartee Cameron had established, Mostow fills "T3" with the tired stuff of summer blockbusters.
The chase between the machines - which sees Arnold in hot pursuit of an upgraded enemy, now in the va-va-voom form of model Kristanna Loken - boils down to lengthy car chases and endless explosions. Where Cameron slyly played off the notion that the machines must rely on other machines to catch the humans, Mostow doesn't show nearly as much flair or inventiveness with the premise. Aside from the shot of a hearse that dons the logo "Valley of Peace" after transporting the good guys through a rain of bullets, Mostow doesn't do nearly enough winking at his endeavor. The amusing freshness of "T2" is mostly recycled in this less superior carbon copy. With most of the cast gone, save Schwarzenegger, John Connor (now played by Nick Stahl) is living an anchorless existence. As Stahl narrates the opening scenes of the film, he explains his life as an empty one in which he constantly finds himself waiting for the apocalypse he supposedly averted in the second film. Unwilling to commit his name to any phone directory or permanent address, he "lives off the grid." But, because of a glitch in the matrix as it were, the judgment day is actually still on schedule. So that Connor paranoia ends up working in the savior's favor when two terminators arrive on planet Earth, one with the job of protecting him and the other programmed to search and destroy. With its attractive, expressionless, liquid metal foe, "T3" is very much in the vein of Cameron's sequel. And, for the most part, the best stuff to come out of Mostow's film is the borrowed celluloid. As Loken turns her head just so and smirks with the evil intent of a machine equipped with a blowtorch and a great figure, the wonderful template that Cameron established comes back to life. Sure it's the same set up when the naked machines go in search of their wardrobe, but it's still slightly enjoyable because it was so perfect the first time around. Still, "T3" is full of hoaky references to judgment day and the revolution. As John Connor, his future wife (played by a screaming Claire Danes) and the Terminator head out into the desert to get gas and load their arsenal of weapons, the sensation that this scene played out before is overwhelming. Only now, Linda Hamilton's muscular presence is replaced by the pale face of the awkward teen from "My So Called Life;" the switch is just one of the many tell-tale signs that the time has come to let the machines win the battle and ensure that Arnold really won't be back. Grade: B-
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