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Dear Valerie By Valerie Markva Dear Valerie: I really like your column and read it all the time. It's nice to see people out there that care and are willing to listen to anyone's problem. I'm 19-years old and graduated last year. Since then I've been really confused about my life - what to do, where to go, and just who to be. My parents thought I would go to college, but when the time came I realized that wasn't what I wanted to do. My ideas about my future are far-fetched, in my parents' opinion. I play guitar and write songs, and in the back of my mind I think this is what I've always wanted to do. I have this dream that I'll make it big someday. For the first time in my life, I'm wondering if that's such a good idea. I mean, I know that's what I want to do; I just don't know if it's what I should do. My friends tell me that I have a lot of talent and it seems like they encourage me, but I don't know anyone in a similar situation - people my age are all in college working toward a secure future. I work two jobs and spend my free time (which isn't much) playing guitar and writing songs. Sometimes I get frustrated because I don't have a career in music yet. It's still just a dream for me. I don't know where I'm ended with this, but I know that I don't want to end up regretting this decision. Do you think I might be wasting my time? What do you suggest? Thank You, Erin P. Dear Erin: If you are passionate about something, it is NEVER a waste of your time to pursue it. It seems like you've been willing to give up a lot in order to play music. But because you're looking at what other people are doing, you feel guilty and pressured because you're not doing what they're doing. You are faced with an important decision right now: Should I put 100% of my dedication and trust into pursuing a DREAM accepting the sacrifices that must be made? Other considerations spin-off from this: Should I forget about this fantasy world, this dream I conjured up in my head this dream that means everything to me? Should I give that up and go to college so I can get a REAL job and start living in the 'real world'? People like me don't get to be famous, why waste my time? I'm here to tell you that people like YOU do make it big. It happens every day. But it has to start somewhere and that somewhere is right here, right now. It begins with listening to the voice of passion and it comes with believing in a dream. It is the only way. Don't let what other people do or say get in the way of that. As Henry David Thoreau said, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Remember, even though they may not say the words that you want to hear, your parents (and friends) are encouraging you in their own way. Their concern for you shows that they care about your future because they want you to be successful. It might be hard for them to understand what music means to you. And because this may be an unexpected direction for you to follow, they might view it with skepticism simply because it's different. If you continue to stay focused, and listen to the beat of your own drum, you'll find that it was worth it that dreams do come true, even for people like you. A Life Uncommon In 1993, singer/songwriter Jewel Kilcher moved from Michigan to live with her mother in San Diego. Here she worked as a waitress, bringing home less than disappointing paychecks. Jewel's mother, Nedra Carroll, was struggling financially as well, and the two could barely afford rent. "What do you want to do with your life?" Nedra asked one day. Jewel was surprised that she had no idea. Her mother asked her to imagine that she was sitting in an empty room in front of a stage. "When the curtains are thrown back, what do you see?" Nedra asked. "I want to sing to remind people to live their dreams," Jewel exclaimed. But after she thought about it for awhile, she thought that maybe she should have something to fall back on. "If you have a fallback plan," her mother said, "you will fall back." Jewel had an extensive background in music, and she had always been admired by her family members for having a determined personality. Growing up, Jewel had the opportunity to be musically influenced by her parents, who performed folk music. Eventually, Jewel began singing with her father in bars, where she learned to sing in front of people, learning how important it is to please an audience. In her late teens, a teacher from Interlochen Arts Academy in Michigan encouraged her to apply for a scholarship after he heard her sing at a summer music festival. Jewel won the scholarship and Interlochen provided her with professional training in music, dance and writing. But when Jewel decided to pursue a career in music, she faced many challenges. Nedra decided there was nothing to lose, however, so the two moved out of their apartment and into a van on a beach beside the Pacific Ocean. Giving up literally everything, to play music & sing, Jewel got by with frequent 'wash-ups' in bathrooms at Denny's and K-Mart and meals that consisted of not much more than peanut butter and carrots. Soon, she got a job singing in a coffee house, where she sang a song she wrote called Who Will Save Your Soul? Her folk-style music attracted large crowds to the coffeehouse, and not long after, she was contracted with Atlantic Records. By 1998, after the release of her second album, Spirit, Jewel had an international audience. Spirit sold over 500,000 copies and her first single Who Will Save Your Soul? began climbing the charts until it reached the top ten list. Less than six years earlier, Jewel had set out, practically homeless, with only a dream. Leaving behind a panoramic message to "live our dreams", she is a living example of the courage, determination, and triumph which you, too, can aspire.
If you have an everyday 'bother' or 'trouble' you would like to share with Valerie, whatever your age or problem, write or e-mail her at: Tavia7@webtv.net or care of Review Magazine, 318 S. Hamilton St., Saginaw, MI 48602
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