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Dear Valerie;
The more credit card bills accumulate, the more I charge. It's
out-of-control and my bills are more than what I can afford to pay. Any
advice on how to stop charging?
ChargeCrazy
Dear ChargeCrazy;
You are allowing yourself to pay a high price for actions which you
CAN control. Stop chargingSNOW! Place your credit cards somewhere out of
reach. If you don't carry them with you, you'll be less likely to charge.
Think about the potential consequences (repossessions, bankruptcy). Keep
yourself occupied because then you won't have time to think about shopping.
Call a friend, read a bookSresist the urge to shop.
Valerie
Valerie;
My girlfriend left me after 3 years because of my selfishness and
lack of consideration. The proverbial & haunting words "don't
know what ya
got till it's gone" continue to echo in my head as my thoughts drift back
to the time when we first fell in love. I can't help but wonder what
happened to me. I stopped noticing the little things that mean so much. J's
last words to me were "I'm tired of trying to believe in us". I heard
this
goodbye a thousand times. When she told me she was leaving I didn't believe
it. I stood and watched her pack her bags, small delicate shoulders hunched
as she kneeled by the bed, crying, not saying a word.
I heard the echo of her footsteps on the stairs, considering the validity
of the sound. Walking away. Leaving. She'll be back, I lied to myself.
The hours passed slow. I paced in nervous anticipation, listening for the
inevitable sounds - the roaring return of her Toyota, the slam of the car
door, soft sound of feet on the stairs, fumble of keys as her shaking hand,
her body infused with despair and humiliation, found the way once again,
home. I would enjoy this moment, confirmation of her love for me. I thought
about how I would observe, nonchalantly, her struggle and turmoil. I would
know the reassurance that she loves me, when finally, she would enter the
room and drop her bags.
But she did not come back. She's been gone for almost a month. I continue
on, living, going through the motions of menial business, empty business of
chores & obligation, the cycle of career. I go on living in torment,
wanting so much to tell her the things I don't know how to say. I'm writing
this, hoping that she'll pick it up and read your column.
J, I'm writing this for you. I want you to know how special you are to me.
How secretly I smiled everytime you spread your wings to fly. I pretended
too many times, to let each remarkable precious minute with you slip by,
unnoticed. But it's all here inside me. I walk the streets alone,
remembering the times you walked alone because I was too busy to go with
you. I cry the tears I used to hold inside when I remember how good it felt
to be near you. To come home and find you weeping, to see you smile at me,
unashamed through your tears, as you sat, my sweet beautiful angel,
watching a sad story on DVD. I stole a part of your trust & honesty,
because I could not be, didn't know how to be a part of something so
special. I want so badly to learn how to be a part of your laughter and
your smile. Yours is a radiance that shines beyond the cruel rawness of the
world. Have I waited too long? I love you J, please come home.
A.M.
Saginaw
Dear A.M.;
Thank you for having the courage to submit this vivid and
poetically written letter. Reflection can give us powerful insights into
the soul's desire for personal growth. Although you cannot change the past,
remember to look toward the future with new, more sensitive eyes.
I don't think any of us intentionally invites loss, pain & regret into our
lives, however they are emotions we all must face.
The Gifts of Separation
"People are tortured emotionally about love that was never
expressed", states Thomas Moore in Care of the Soul. A.M's letter
describes the agony of regret concerning matters of the heart. What good
can come from such a realization? Moore points out that in ancient times
"The emphasis is on what (love, loss) does to the soul. Does it bring
broader vision? Does it initiate the soul in some way? Does it carry the
lover away from earth to an awareness of divine things?" In her absence,
A.M. began to place value on J's "divine" traits. Clearly he feels
that J's
sensitivity is a special quality which he has not only misunderstood but
secretly admired.
Remaining true to the 'broad vision' that loss in love produces can teach
us and open our eyes in the midst of separation, allowing spiritual growth
to take place.
The Ancient Rhyme of Myth
In Greek myth, Eurydice is the Moon Goddess. Symbolizing the Life-Giving
force, she is ruler over the blackness of fertility. She reminds us that
the beginning of life and creation dwells in darkness. Eurydice's Tip: Be
continually aware of the rich characteristic that darkness offers. Grasp
the haling force within it and recognize that spiritual newness and life
are created in darkness.
If you have an everyday 'bother' or 'trouble' you would like to share with
Valerie, whatever your age or problem, write or e-mail her at:
Tavia7@webtv.net or care of Review
Magazine, 318 S. Hamilton St., Saginaw,
MI. 48602
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