|
|
ENGINE TROUBLE
(GONE IN 60 SECONDS)
by Greg Walton
The history of the car chase on film is chock full of unleaded nobility and
motor powered masterpieces. Bullitt and The French Connection laid down the
first tracks, followed by counter-culture existentialist action like
Vanishing Point and the orgiastic destruction derby that is The Blues
Brothers. Even DeNiro's Ronin threw the genre a few new curves. But
after
100 years of blown hubcaps, burnt rubber, and drawbridge jumping, it takes
considerable effort to pound a new signpost into the road.
Gone in 60 Seconds is a hush-hush remake of H.B. Halicki's 1974 cult
classic that only bored video store employees have ever seen. Producer
Jerry Bruckheimer (you can tell his films by their patented orange glow)
describes the new version as a 'reworking' rather than a remake, copping
the original plot - a hot-shot car thief forced to steal 50 cars in one
night - and adding a heaping helping of Hollywood stars de jour.
Randall (Nicolas Cage) comes out of car thief retirement to help his kid
brother (Giovanni Ribisi), who reneged on a promise to deliver 50-odd cars
to a British bad guy. Raines gets together the old crew - which includes
Robert Duvall, Angelina Jolie, and Vinnie Jones (of Lock, Stock, & Two
Smoking Barrels) - for a car-booster family reunion, pledging to accomplish
the impossible and have the cars at the docks in 24 hours.
What follows should go like this: 1) Cool insights into the car theft
underground. 2) Chase scene. 3) Chase scene. 4) Chase scene.
What actually happens is this: 1) We learn less about grand theft auto
than if we had hung out in the parking garage for two hours. 2) No chase
scene worth its money in gas occurs for at least an hour and a half. 3)
Angelina Jolie is one spooky, incestuous broad.
Gone in 60 Seconds comes off the assembly line half-finished. The dialogue
by smart-ass screenwriter supreme Scott Ronsenberg (Con Air, Things to do
in Denver When You're Dead) feels like every third sentence has been
chopped off...and what's left goes from boring to inept in 5.5 seconds
flat. Despite this, the movie chooses to berate us with family squabbles
and loosely stapled sub-plots, rather than punch the gas on its souped-up
concept. How about teaching us the trade? Revealing a few insider tricks?
Or at least the obligatory 'wrong-way-down-a-one-way' getaway scene?
There's so much down time to imagine what Seconds could have been,
you
have a hard time remembering what actually took place. Cage is
uncharismatically bland in a role that demands Steve McQueen-cool. As far
as the rest; Duvall scrapes by, Ribisi pulls an annoying slacker improv,
and Jolie vamps to little effect. Delroy Lindo, the Detective determined to
put Raines away, is becoming the Morgan Freeman of bad movies - putting too
much effort into one losing battle after another.
The film has all the texture of a tofu burger, made barely palatable by a
few tasty side dishes. The Armageddon -style team put together by Raines
offers up some wacky moments and the cars themselves (particularly Eleanor,
the '67 Shelby Mustang used in the final chase) are a grease-monkey's wet
dream. But nothing, not even the Dukes of Hazard jump Cage must make to
elude the law, generates any true sense of speed, suspense, or
exhilaration. Like putting racing stripes on a Ford Escort, it's all show
with no muscle to back it up.
Seconds is cookie-cutter Bruckheimer filmmaking, right down to its
abandoned factory finale. Never offensive enough to truly offend, it pulls
you in like the Indy 500 - cars endlessly circling as you wait for the
inevitable fiberglass-shattering crash, secretly hoping that somebody goes
up in flames. Instead, the entire movie is run under the yellow flag.
Safe, cautious, and boring as hell.
Grade: C
http://studio.go.com/movies/goneinsixty/flash_intro.html
|
|
