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Free Will Astrology

ARIES (March 21-April 19): If it were up to me, I’d title this recent chapter in your life “The Secret Conquest of Loneliness,” or perhaps “Attaining Intimacy with the Sacred Darkness” or “Awakening the Superpower of Humble Vulnerability.” But if I know you Aries folks, you may not wish to trumpet these soulful accomplishments, since they are undervalued by most people and may be almost embarrassing to your heroic ego. Instead you might prefer to call this part of your story “The Bold Slaying of the Dragon” or “The Glorious Triumph over Chaos and Nothingness.” I’ll leave it up to you.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I once heard the Tibetan lama Sogyal Rinpoche talk about the different levels of gratification. “Would you prefer the happiness of scratching a mosquito bite,” he asked, “over the happiness of not having a mosquito bite in the first place?” This subject will be an apt topic for your meditations in the coming weeks, Taurus. Another way to frame the question is this: Which would you enjoy more, being  able to entertain your friends with uproarious tales of the ridiculous suffering you’ve had to endure, or having to face the risk of boring  your friends with the uneventful peace you’ve cultivated through your crafty choices?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In some zodiacal traditions, Gemini is represented not by the Twins but by the Lovers. That casts your sign in a very different light, doesn’t it? It suggests that your essence is symbolized best not by siblings with a close but inexact resemblance, but by romantic partners in the dance of courtship. Please try on this  new model in the coming weeks, Gemini. I believe you’ll be in greatest harmony with cosmic currents if you conceive of yourself as being the embodiment of a passionate relationship between two energies longing for union.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In 1761, the Italian scientist Lazzaro Spallanzani performed an experiment which proved for the first time that tiny micro-organisms lived in the air and could contaminate purified water.  He didn’t follow up on the tantalizing implications of this breakthrough, however. A century later, Louis Pasteur happened upon the same discovery and applied it to such practical ends as keeping wine and milk from spoiling. Pasteur got all the credit, and deservedly so: He pushed to develop all the potential of his findings. And what does this have to do with you, Cancerian? Now is the time to make Pasteur, not Spallanzani, your role model. (Thanks to James Burke’s The Knowledge Web for the info about the two scientists.)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I dreamed last night that the Nobel Prize in Kick-Ass Oracles had been awarded to yours truly. As the judges handed me my check for $180,000, they cited as a sterling example of my work the horoscope I wrote for you this week. Here it is: Conjure up cocky fantasies about outrageously fun adventures, Leo. Do this for many days, always with the mischievous intention of outdoing the previous day’s  amazing reverie.  Make it your luxurious pastime, your secret vice. Within a week, your imagination will have awakened to shockingly  beautiful possibilities.  Within two weeks, you will already be at work rounding up wonders and marvels you had never before dared to think you  deserved.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Once upon a time there was a very well-behaved Virgo fourth-grader who got all A’s. One day in class her knee caught on a wad of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of her wooden school desk.  Dizzz-gusting! As she peeled the gum off, first from her knee and then the desk, a folded note slipped from a hole in the desk that had been covered by the gum. How mysterious! As she read the note, her eyes filled with excitement. The message therein contained a fascinating  idea. But when she thought of how she’d come by it, her expression darkened. We now interrupt this fable, dear reader, to ask you to  predict the outcome for our heroine. Did she or did she not act on the  info she’d obtained in such a messy, undignified way?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In his autobiography, Dallas Cowboys football coach Tom Landry wrote that “The primary challenge of the National Football League can be boiled down to a one-sentence job description: to get people to do what they don’t want to do in order to achieve what they want to achieve.” I’d bet, Libra, that you just got a shiver while reading that, since it has resemblances to the principle that’s been ruling your life lately. That’s the bad news. The good news is that you’re about to start harvesting the rewards for doing all that stuff that you didn’t want to do.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Only six companies control most of what America reads in books, magazines and newspapers and watches on TV and at the movies,” Bill Moyers said in a talk on “Journalism’s Last Stand.” The result, he bemoaned, is an “obsession with celebrities, a need for speed over accuracy and the proliferation of...speculation over reporting.” Happily, dear reader, the publication that prints this column has not yet been snapped up by the banal cabal that’s out to shrink your brain. For now, then, you’re safe. Please seek much more of this kind of sanctuary in the coming weeks. You’re in a phase when you especially need to shield yourself from subtly sickening influences. Might be best, in fact, to go on a fast from anything that feeds the dumb beast in you. Nourish the life force of the ingenious transformer you are when you’re at your best.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It’s National Painkiller Week for all Sagittarians. The best way to celebrate does not involve taking massive doses of ibuprofen or morphine. Nor would I recommend that you shut out the world with a vengeance or render yourself so numb you can’t feel anything.  No, the ideal way to observe this holiday is to become aware of all the pleasurable interruptions that are awaiting your invitation. The moment you give them the go-ahead, they will begin flooding into your life, arousing a flow of painkilling endorphins that you haven’t experienced in many moons.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): This week I predict you will have the power to make visible that which has been invisible. I further expect that you will possess a mysterious talent for taking people’s minds off things that have received unwarranted amounts of attention. Finally, Capricorn, I believe you will be able to deepen explorations that have been superficial, and you will summon the gumption to quit games that have been diverting but unsatisfying.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If my crystal ball is accurate, you now have your eyes on three different doors, all of which lead to intriguing goodies. Curiously, however, you seem to be under the illusion that you can somehow enter all three doors simultaneously. My crystal ball shows  you nervously running from door to door, banging on each one as you frantically crane your neck to see if the others have been opened yet. My advice to you, Aquarius, is to pick one to concentrate on. Stand in front of it and knock calmly until you’re ushered in. The amazing thing is, I believe it won’t even matter which door you choose, because the act of committing yourself to a single option will eventually result in you getting another crack at slipping through the other two doors at a later date.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The irony of this week’s cosmic joke is that the less egocentric you are, the more likely it is you’ll get what you really need. Whenever you go out of your way to do people favors with no strings attached, for instance, you’ll set in motion a series of behind-the-scenes events that will ultimately bring you an unexpected boon.  It’ll also be liberating for you to take a break from worrying about how every event affects you personally. Any time you make an effort to visualize what another person is thinking or feeling, you’ll dissolve a little more of the mental block that has been undermining  your creativity.

Send descriptions of your top five vices and top five virtues to: Moral Inventory, Box 150247, San Rafael, CA 94915 or www.realastrology.com.